Memories

“Memories are what warm you up from the inside. But they're also what tear you apart.” 
― Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore

“Sometimes things become possible if we want them bad enough.” 
― T.S. Eliot

Those two quotes seem so very true. Whenever I feel blue I tend to look to my right in my office. I have a multitude of pictures in frames. And whenever I have a homesick feeling late in the day, I could just look to my right and see the images of times in my past that I relive when I see them. Always makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. I have pictures of friends and family, and of other things I just thought were super cool. 

I have one picture, that was taken from an apartment I lived in about 5 years ago now, of 4 of my cats, all in a window together looking outside at something. Not sure what they are looking at, but I remember snapping the picture. My wife took it from my phone, had it printed out, and put it in a frame for me. I love that picture because in it are two cats that for one reason or another I no longer have.

 

I have another picture of my 2 dogs lying on a couch in the apartment my wife and I shared before moving to the house. I look at Shelbie (closer to arm of couch) and can't imagine how she got so big. She was so tiny when we first brought her home. I still have the picture in my phone from the day we got her from the pound. Wife always says it was the best thing I ever bought her. :) I also look at Pepper (pink collar) and wonder how is she the sister to Shelbie. I know they look identical, but Shelbie took to commands from the night we picked her up. She learned how to play fetch that night and to this day, even with the ailments she has had, still wants to play that each and every day. Pepper on the other hand, would much rather just come and rest in your lap and receive the loving that way. I love them both the same. 

Then there is this picture. So many memories of that day. I made it a point to not see her before she walked down the aisle from behind the mansion we were married next to. I wanted the "awww shucks" factor. I remember leaning over to one of the best men and saying, "Wow! She looks so beautiful!" This picture was taken after the ceremony, as we were in the back room for the bridal party, awaiting the moment we got to walk out to the crowd of family and friends who were there only for us. And even though we were announced as Mr. & Mrs. Eric Mark (both the name of my brother and my best friend [both best men]), and the fact that I got booed by many of my Philadelphia friends and her family, I knew that everyone was there for us, to see us joined as husband and wife. It was such a magical night.

Sometimes in life you need to be reminded of things you have done in your past. You need them to get you through the day, or to give you a smile when you are feeling blue. Sometimes though, they can tear you apart, because those times are in the past and may never be again. But I like to think that memories are what you want them to be. And the future is never written.

Doc Brown (from Back to the Future III) says "...your future hasn't been written yet. No one's has. Your future is whatever you make it. So make it a good one, both of you." 

So I am going to take the advice of a fictional character from an early 1990's movie and make a good future.....for both of us.