The story of Sisyphus seems so close to the story of my life over the last year or so. For those of you who do not know who Sisyphus is, he was a king (from Greek mythology) who was punished to roll a large boulder up a hill over and over and over again, only to have it roll back down to the base each time he neared the top.
I feel like no matter what progress I make, it feels like I am write back to the beginning (or base of the hill). I have made many mistakes in my life and none bigger than the one that happened only 2-1/2 weeks ago. I put myself, my wife, and possibly my co-workers in danger because of my stupidity. Even though I had been doing so well with my "recovery", I slipped up and I am now working at getting myself better. At this time, more people know of my "ailment" than I would have ever wanted to have know. But maybe that will work towards getting myself better and more capable of managing my everyday life. I know what my faults are and I know the consequences for my actions. Now I need to work on just making sure that the demons I allowed myself to succumb to in the past (including 2-1/2 weeks ago) won't be a part of my life any further.
Life is hard. There are many times when you think things are going well, something happens in your life to remind you that it is hard and that you won't just coast through. That doesn't necessarily mean though that it is impossible. Sometimes you just need some extra work. Marriage is a two way street and takes both parties to make it truly work. It is very rare these days that everything goes the way you want all the time. There will be bumps in the road and there will be fights. Eli Young Band's song "Crazy Girl" starts off with the lyrics:
Baby why you wanna cry?
You really oughta know that I
Just have to walk away sometimes
We're gonna do what lovers do
We're gonna have a fight or two
But I ain't ever changing my mind
Crazy girl, don't you know that I love you?
I wouldn't dream of going nowhere
Silly woman come here let me hold you
Have I told you lately I love you like crazy, girl?
Now that being told, I am not calling my wife crazy, nor do I think if this song was written for a specific someone that the songwriter was calling his wife/significant other crazy. But I can relate to what is being said here. Men and women are wired very differently. Many women need to be reassured constantly that they are the center of their mans world. I want to let my wife know, and for all who decided to read this blog, that YOU ARE MY WORLD. I WANT TO BE WITH YOU AND NO ONE ELSE. I just need you to work with me, I need you to be able to meet in the middle on certain things and understand that not everything is what it seems to be on the exterior. You have put up with a heaping of shit and deserve the best. We need to express our thoughts and feelings in a more concise manner so that it's out on the table. I love you very much and plan to do so for many, many years to come.
